Ger

Another meme.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:37:58 GMT

Rules:
1. Pick 15 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.

Comments will be screened until all of them are guessed

(Note that not all of these will be mainstream / hollywood movies)

1) Ohh, for God's sake! He's got an arm off!

2) To my wife... that is not your business.

3) I brought more soldiers than you did.

4) Just wanted to show him my cannons.

5) Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!

6) I'm going there to end this war. Wait for me until I return. Thing's will be different, I promise. Please wait for me.

7) Envy the country that has heroes, huh? I say pity the country that needs them.

8) And trim that scraggly beard!

9) You cannot lead these men unless you are prepared to do what is necessary to defeat evil.

10) I shot her five times. How was she still standing?

11) Listen, I'm not much of a problem solver. Three decades... and I've only completed two sides.

12) Don't leave me here alone. Don't go where I can't follow...

13) We're not gonna make it, are we? People, I mean.

14) Yes, I can draw sounds... and I can speak them back.

15) An unfortunate family resemblance. But we can argue breeding later. Right now we've got to move.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 21:56:11 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc .. Very interesting nature movie.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 11:05:15 GMT

I died in the Dungeon of ExSanity

I was killed in a gloomy corridor by Krise the minotaur, whilst carrying...

the Armour of Movies, the Crown of Kryelle, the Wand of True Love, a Figurine of Uwishuknewme, the Sword of True Love, the Sceptre of Movies, the Armour of Moody, the Wand of Metal and 38 gold pieces.

Score: 94

Explore the Dungeon of ExSanity and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sat, 27 May 2006 11:55:05 GMT

You scored as Fantasy Goth. You are a Fantasy Goth. You may or may not actually be a goth, but "normal" folks see you as one of those weird kids, and you are probably considered a geek by quite a few.

</td>

Fantasy Goth

83%

Anything-Goes Goth

71%

Ethereal Goth

50%

Romantic Goth

50%

Industrial/Rivet-Head

46%

Understanding Outsider

46%

Old-school Goth

38%

Perky Goff

33%

Confused Outsider

21%

Cyber-goth

17%

Death Rocker

17%

What subcategory of Goth best fits you?
created with QuizFarm.com

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sun, 30 Apr 2006 02:43:37 GMT

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Gentle
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a volcano, hot & steamy
Your Partner Is...	Your support
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are their favorite person
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"One must know how to seduce"

Quiz created with MemeGen!

insert sound of brain breaking here

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 23:06:03 GMT

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sun, 19 Mar 2006 13:45:42 GMT

Maul
You preferred a weapon with 78% power over speed and 21% range over melee.

You use a Maul.

Inelegant? You? We'll see who's still alive to say that when you're finished. A fearsome hammer is your weapon of choice, a great equalizer that decimates armored and unarmored foes alike. No one will doubt your strength when you emerge from battle unharmed, your foes battered and broken.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 97% on power
You scored higher than 15% on range

Link: The What's Your Signature Weapon Test written by inurashii on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sun, 05 Mar 2006 16:20:25 GMT

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and donâ��t enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

</td>

Serenity (Firefly)

88%

Moya (Farscape)

81%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

75%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

75%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

75%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

63%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

63%

SG-1 (Stargate)

63%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

56%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

56%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

56%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

50%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

ghehehe

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 18:46:29 GMT

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

You are Nicola Tesla, inventor of the Tesla Coil!

A minister's son from Simljan in Austria-Hungary, you were precocious from an early age. At three you could multiply three-digit numbers in your head and calculate how many seconds visitors to your home had lived. In awe of your older brother Dane, you shot a pea-shooter at his horse, causing it to throw him and inflict injuries from which he later died. This tragedy haunted you ever after. You frequently suffered bouts of illness with hallucinations throughout your life. During one affliction of cholera, you encountered the writing of Mark Twain, with whom you were later to be close friends. Later, another, this time mystery, illness inexplicably heightened your senses to a painful extent, only relenting when you hit upon the idea of the alternating current motor.

You developed an aversion to human contact, particularly involving hair, and a fear of pearls; when one would-be lover kissed you, you ran away in agony. Later, you insisted that any repeated actions in your day-to-day life had to be divisible by three, or, better yet, twenty-seven. You would, for example, continue walking until you had executed the required number of footsteps. You refused to eat anything until you had calculated its exact volume. Saltine crackers were a favourite for their uniformity in this respect. In the midst of important work, you forgot trivial details such as eating, sleeping or, on one memorable occasion, who you were.

Your inventions, always eccentric, began on a suitably bizarre note. The first was a frog-catching device that was so successful, and hence so emulated by your fellow children, that local frogs were almost eradicated. You also created a turbine powered by gluing sixteen May bugs to a tiny windmill. The insects panicked and flapped their wings furiously, powering the contraption for hours on end. This worked admirably until a small child came along and ate all the creatures alive, after which you never again touched another insect.

Prompted by dreams of attaining the then-ridiculed goal of achieving an alternating-current motor, you went to America in the hope of teaming up with Thomas Edison. Edison snubbed you, but promised fifty thousand dollars if you could improve his own direct-current motor by 20% efficiency. You succeeded. Edison did not pay up. It was not long until you created an AC motor by yourself.

Now successful, you set up a small laboratory, with a few assistants and almost no written records whatsoever. Despite it being destroyed by fire, you invented the Tesla Coil, impressing even the least astute observer with man-made lightning and lights lit seemingly by magic. Moving to Colorado Springs, you created a machine capable of sending ten million volts into the Earth's surface, which even while being started up caused lightning to shoot from fire hydrants and sparks to singe feet through shoes all over the town. When calibrated to be in tune with the planet's resonance, it created what is still the largest man-made electrical surge ever, an arc over 130 feet long. Unfortunately, it set the local power plant aflame.

You returned to New York, incidentally toying with the nascent idea of something eerily like today's internet. Although the wealthiest man in America withdrew funding for a larger, more powerful resonator in short order, it did not stop you announcing the ability to split the world in two. You grew ever more diverse in your inventions: remote-controlled boats and submarines, bladeless turbines, and, finally, a death ray.

While whether the ray ever existed is still doubtful, it is said that you notified the Peary polar expedition to report anything strange in the tundra, and turned on the ray. First, nothing happened; then it disintegrated an owl; finally, reports reached you of the mysterious Tunguska explosion, upon which news you dismantled the apparatus immediately. An offer during WWII to recreate it was, thankfully, never acted upon by then-President Wilson. Turning to other matters, you investigated the forerunner of radar, to widespread derision.

Your inventions grew stranger. One oscillator caused earthquakes in Manhattan. You adapted this for medical purposes, claiming various health benefits for your devices. You found they let you work for days without sleep; Mark Twain enjoyed the experience until the sudden onset of diarrhoea. You claimed to receive signals in quasi-Morse Code from Mars, explored the initial stages of quantum physics; proposed a "wall of light", using carefully-calibrated electromagnetic radiation, that would allegedly enable teleportation, anti-gravity airships and time travel; and proposed a basic design for a machine for photographing thoughts. You died aged 87 in New York, sharing an apartment with the flock of pigeons who were by then your only friends.

Ridiculed throughout your life (Superman fought the evil Dr. Tesla in 1940s comics), you were posthumously declared the father of the fluorescent bulb, the vacuum tube amplifier and the X-ray machine, and the Supreme Court named you as the legal inventor of the radio in place of Marconi. Wardenclyffe, the tower once housing your death ray, was dynamited several times to stop it falling into the hands of spies. It was strangely hard to topple, and even then could not be broken up.

Vroom, baby !

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 16:05:25 GMT

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Mighty Lertin' Power Ranger time !

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 23:56:55 GMT

Shade: Shadow
Level: Ninja (Soul)
Color: Green
Archetype: The Paladin
Traits: Dominant Negative Masculine
You are on the side of Shadow; you would be a Green Ranger. Your animal is the Panther (DNM)

Tallies
Light - 2. - Shadow - 5. Dark - 1.
Dino - 2. Thunder - 0. Ninja - 2.
Red - 7. Green - 13. Blue - 5. Pink - 3. Yellow - 5. Black - 5. Purple - 12. White - 8.

Shadow is considered a great mystery. The balance point between Light and Dark, followers of this path are bound only to the codes they hold in their own hearts. As a result, this power can not be lost in a change of allegiance, because a Shadow's loyalty is always within him or her. Though most can be described as honorable, it is a personal honor, and not necessarily that defined by the light or the dark.

Ninja is level of the soul. Calm and patient, Ninja types would prefer to let a situation play itself out until a solution becomes apparent. While they possess more finesse and patience than the other types, they are not suited to quick action or hasty changes in tactics. Quieter than the other two divisions, they sometimes have a tendency to brood.

Two of the Green Grid Animals are reptiles, a fact which is quite fitting with the legendary Green temper. Unlike Reds, whose anger burns quickly and hot, Green anger is a cold, slow-burning flame. It's usually a terrifying thing to behold, because it can do so much more damage. Luckily, Greens don't get truly angry very often, and when they do, it's a righteous rage. After all, the Green Archetype is also known as the Holy Knight. As the name would imply, Greens are usually noble and honorable, warriors who fight to uphold what they believe in and protect the innocent. When Dark, this would obviously be the exact opposite. A Dark Green would have a code of honor, but would fight to uphold the pure ideals of evil. Often loners to some extent, Greens tend to be very self-contained, rarely giving anyone a glimpse into their inner self. Their friendship is hard to obtain, but once given, is nearly impossible to lose. And most people who have put forth the effort will agree that, on the whole, the rewards are worth it.

Greens are warriors, knights, not soldiers. As a result, they often have a hard time following orders, which leads to a lot of friction with Reds. Greens follow orders only when they respect the person giving them, and rank isn't necessarily going to win a Green's respect. They have little patience for bureaucracy, mindless rules, or doing things 'because that's the way it is.' Often, Greens make better leaders than followers, because they will never needlessly endanger a person under their protection. In fact, Greens often are self-sacrificing, simply because they value the lives of others much more than their own.

Bad things tend to happen to Greens, and no one knows quite why. Many of them are orphans, and most hide at least one painful secret in their pasts. Usually more. Perhaps because of this, Greens tend to be the ones who walk the line between the darkness and light more often than the other colors. To balance this out, Greens tend to latch onto a quest, something to focus on, a service higher than themselves. Whether it's Scott Summers and his devotion to Charles Xavier's dream, Dinobot and his honor, or Tommy Oliver's desire to be the perfect Ranger, every Green has a dream that means far more than life itself.

Notable Greens: Darkwing Duck (Dino), Ghostbusters - Peter Venkman (Thunder), Power Rangers - Tommy Oliver (Ninja), X-Files - Fox Mulder (Ninja), Digimon - Yamato "Matt" Ishida (Ninja), Transformers - Rodimus Prime (Thunder), Transformers Beast Wars - Rattrap (Thunder), Jim Ellison (Ninja), Transformers Beast Wars - Dinobot (Dino), Big Bad Beetleborgs - Drew McCormick (Ninja)

A Dominant person is in the front of the crowd, usually the focus of attention. A Negative person is more quiet and reserved, less active. A Masculine person is not definitely male persay; rather, he or she is more of a loner regarding problem solving. A Masculine person tends to solve problems on his or her own, only getting help when no other options are available.

Right. So, I did the quiz. Now you lot do it as well. Yokai ? http://dszone.sepwich.com/extra/MorphinQuiz.php

Colors .. !

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 11:04:21 GMT

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23^®

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 22:38:19 GMT

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

Yokay !

*looks up page 123. Counts to the fifth sentence.*

Borgin squinted at her.

Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 17:57:53 GMT

Best blonde joke ever !

Happy fucking newyear

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 19:21:57 GMT

Everywhere around me I see people going to family .. Sending eachother cards .. being with friends .. Getting bloody married .. Spending time with their significant other .. It's sickening.

Why is it sickening ? Because they all expect everyone else to put up their cheeriest smile and be all bubbly and cheerful and all, as well. Because they don't bloody well even care enough to realise that there are people for whom the christmas and newyears time is a bloody HELL to go through.

Yes, that's right, there are people who do not LIKE the 'holidays'. There's a REASON suicide rates are up everywhere around christmas and newyears.

I was reading the news .. Christmas day, one guy in Holland killed his two daughters (2 and 4 years old) then himself. What for ? I don't know.

That same day somewhere else in Holland, a 20 y/o guy was beaten to death before his girlfriend's eyes simply because he dared speak up against a trio of 16 - 18 year olds that were making a nuisance of themselves and destroying stuff in public.

Where is it all going ?

"Peace on earth" they all chant in unison. "Good will to man" .. Every feel-good movie in stored is being shown on TV, even though we've seen them a bazillion times before. The radio is playing only those cheerful sappy sugary christmas songs.

And then you read the news, things like that.

Just a few years ago at christmas a dutch cafe burnt up - a dozen people dead. That'll leave a nice trauma for the people that knew them or that were there but were 'lucky' enough to survive.

And then there's the silent group of people, that simply aren't so lucky, to get to spend the holiday with their family and loved ones, either because they don't HAVE family or loved ones, or because said family is too busy with themselves and other friends to care.

This newyears marks my 6th year single. Six years that have gone by since I last had a girlfriend. Six years since I last woke up next to a soft warm body. Six years since I last could cuddle and kiss and feel complete. Six years that I've waken up every single morning ready to fucking cry because I was alone once again. Six bloody YEARS of feeling my heart beating - for what ? Six years of being told "You're a really nice guy but not like That .. " and "Let's just be friends." Well, I'm SICK and TIRED of it. Every Time they try not to hurt me "because I'm so sweet and nice" .. But every single time the dagger in my heart is shoved in a little deeper. In my heart ? No - in my back.

So, enjoy the comfortable arms of your loved ones around you, everyone. Share the warmth, the laughter of your family, your friends. Enjoy the cheerful spirit that the music on the radio evokes. If you can, then you're the lucky one. I hope you bloody well realise that.

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS AND A BLOODY HAPPY NEWYEAR.

PS, yes, Jen, I know I forgot to give you my mom's mailing address so you couldn't send me a card.

Stolen ! :D

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 03:37:46 GMT

You Might Be A Viking If.......

If bartenders keep asking you, "What's mead?"

If you rate your new cars in Oarpower instead of Horsepower.

If a strange, very big read headed man shows up for dinner and eats you out of house and home.

If you consider beer and herring a gourmet meal.

If your new girlfriend is dismayed to find that you've given a personal name to each one of your kitchen knives.

If you think that a Lutheran is nothing more than a quick source of money.

If you think that attacking and looting small towns is a good way to meet people.

If, after reciting your family lineage and history, you find that your friends all left two hours ago.

If you think that Helga, Gertruda and Snotra are really very pretty names for girls.

If the best thing you can say about France is that you left most of it standing.

If you've changed your name from Joe Schmit to Hralfnkel Niflgrimsson.

If modern day piracy off of the Florida coast sounds to you like a good career opportunity.

If you think that Old Norse is an easy-to-learn, attractive and user-friendly language.

If your idea of heavy spices are salt and pepper.

If you wave a spear over the visiting basketball team and offer their souls to Odin.

If you think that a trip to Iowa is an exotic adventure.

If you finish your European vacation with more money than when you started.

If a strange, one-handed man shows up at your house, drinks all your beer, pronounces sentence on your fundamentalist neighbor, points out all the legal inaccuracies of the latest "NYPD Blues" and leaves a huge wolf chained to your new Ford Mustang.

w00t.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 06:29:27 GMT

A demon watches over you. You may find yourself at
times wishing those you dislike dead.
Sometimes, you may find yourself being jealous.
Anger can often get the best of you. You are a
unique individual. Overall though, you are a
kind person with a big heart. Your demon is
always watching over you. Though a demon may
seem like evil is watching you, it is not true.
Your demon is on neither side; good nor evil.
Your demon is on your side. Your demon is
constantly protecting and guiding you down the
right path for you in life.

Who is your soul guardian?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ho hum.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 23:49:45 GMT

You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.

Image Source:
elfwood.lysator.liu.se/.../nmetalwings.jpg.html
Words added by myself

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Baaa.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Wed, 29 Jun 2005 21:58:38 GMT

"Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me. It can only
be one word. No more. Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may
leave a word about you."

's about right, that.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 20:37:28 GMT

Boots

What kind of shoe are you?

Arrrr.

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 20:29:56 GMT

Your LiveJournal Pirate Crew
LiveJournal Username
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest!
Cutlass or pistol?
What is the name of your pirate ship?
Where is your secret pirate base?
What kind of loot do you prefer?
What do you and your crew prefer to be called?
Parrot or monkey?
Argh!

Your capable first mate	jadenson
Your bumbling cabin boy with a heart of gold	horns
The aloof, yet honorable, pirate with a mysterious past	uberaxl
Is always the first one into the fray	jadenson
Is the naval officer who ruthlessly pursues your ship	amtapounca
Is the comical pirate who is always drunk on grog	tiggychan
Is currently in Davy Jones's locker	softpaw
The amount of money you make as a pirate	$185,945


This Fun Quiz created by Lynn at BlogQuiz.Net

Gemini Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Hee .. Purty pony ! pets teh pony, gets bit Ow ..

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 14:26:32 GMT

You Are Subversion!
You are systematic and secretive. Sometimes even very calculating. Most everyone trusts you but they have no idea what really goes on in your head. You are capable of being nice or mean, whatever a situation calls for. You look out for #1.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?

Bwahaha. Answer this, all ye lost souls !

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 May 2005 01:09:15 GMT

Would you ...

1. Give me your number?
2. Have sex with me?
3. Let me kiss you?
4. Watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
5. Let me take you out to dinner?
6. Drive me somewhere/anywhere?
7. Take a shower with me?
8. Be my bf/gf?
9. Have a fling with me?
10. Listen to me if I called you even if you were out with all of your friends?
11. Buy me a drink if I didnt have money?
12. Take me home for the night?
13. Would you let me sleep in your bed?
14. Sing car karaoke with me?
15. Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
16. Re-post this for me to answer your questions?
17. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
18. Do you think I'm fugly, okay, pretty, beautiful, or hot?
19. Do you like my style?
20. Do you think im funny?
21. Do you care about me?
22. Would you cry if I died?
23. Would you stop me if I tried to commit suicide?
24. Would you dance with me?
25. Would you sing happy birthday to me?
26. Would you chase rabbits with me?
27. Would you buy me skittles and mountain dew?
28. Do you consider yourself my friend?
29. Are you coming to my wedding?
30. Do you think I'm annoying?
31. Do you think I'm sarcastic?
32. Do you think I'm teh cool?
33. If you haven't already... would you meet me IRL?
34. Have I ever helped you before with anything?

Brain in a dish !

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Wed, 04 May 2005 20:18:20 GMT

Let your petri-dish fly your flight-sim !

Elephantine post

blood_n_steel@hotmail.com — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:08:41 GMT

Over the years, the problem of finding the right person for the right job
has consumed thousands of worker-years of research and millions of
dollars in funding. This is particularly true for high- technology
organisations where talent is scarce and expensive. Recently, however,
years of detailed studies by the finest minds in the field of
psychoindustrial interpersonal optimisation have resulted in the
development of a simple and foolproof test to determine the best match
between personality and profession. Now, at last, people can be
infallibly assigned to the jobs for which they are truly best suited.

The procedure is simple: Each subject is sent to Africa to hunt
elephants. The subsequent elephant-hunting behaviour is then categorised
by comparison to the classification rules outlined below. The subject
should be assigned to the general job classification that best matches
the observed behaviour.

CLASSIFICATION GUIDELINES

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything
that is not an elephant and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced
mathematicians will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique
elephant before proceeding to step one as a subordinate exercise.
Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique
elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant
as an exercise for their graduate students.

Theoretical mathematicians catch elephants in a cage by building a cage,
going inside, closing the door and - defining outside as inside.

Physicists would not begin the actual hunt for elephants immediately.
The experimentalists would first consult the theorists who would then
apply for government grants to support the development of a theory of how
to actually detect elephants. In the ensuing 25 years multiple theories
would be promulgated about how to find pink elephants, black elephants,
charmed elephants, African elephants and Indian elephants. Heisenberg's
grandson would postulate that it is possible to determine the location of
any given elephant or the point in time when an elephant might appear but
not both. Gerald Hawking and Ed Witten would postulate that the only
satisfactory theory would be one that could predict the location of all
elephants of all classes at all times. Carl Shakin, in collaboration
with Jerry Friedman, would develop a theory on bagging elephants. This
theory would describe a methodology of taking known elements such as
camels and colliding them at a high rate of speed to determine if
elephants resulted. There would be specific emphasis on classes of
elephants being sought.

At this point three different groups of experimental physicists would
apply for government funding to support building and use of
instrumentation to experiment based on these theories. The smallest
E-Collider (Elephant Collider) would require $180 billion and another 15
years to build. 15 more years would be spent exploring the Shakin TOS Bag
theory (TOS=Theory of Something as opposed to TOE, the Theory of
Everything). Unfortunately, no elephants will be found as they will all
be extinct by this time.

Computer scientists hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:

1. Goto Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northwards in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
a. Catch each animal seen.
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant. c. Stop when a match
is detected.

Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known
elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. Assembly
language programmers prefer to execute the algorithm on their hand and
knees.

C programmers refuse to buy rifles off the shelf, and go to Africa with
steel rods and a mobile machine shop, intending to build a perfect rifle
for the job from scratch. They are then never heard from again.

Access programmers zero right in on a elephant right away, even with no
prior experience in elephant hunting, and then, dressed impeccably and
fully looking the part, get the elephant in their beautifully-mounted
scopes, and realise that other than missing a trigger, they are 99.9%
"there".

Rbase programmers are even rarer than elephants. In fact, the elephants,
if they ever do sight an Rbase programmer, consider it a "lucky day."

Visual Basic programmers point at their bullets, then point at their
rifles, and then point at the elephant. This amuses the elephants, who
run away. The VB programmers are unable to pursue them, because their
jeeps are undrivable, having steering wheels, joy sticks, yokes, and
rudders, due to their love of multiple "controls".

Visual C++ developers have trouble hunting real elephants. They get
distracted and start searching through the MS foundation Class library
for grey trunk-like objects they can incorporate into their hunting
strategy.

ADA programmers, APL programmers, Fortran programmers, the Tooth Fairy,
and Santa Claus, are, of course, all fictional characters.

COBOL programmers have too much empathy to hunt another nearly-extinct
species.

Mac developers never actually succeed in hunting elephants. They will,
however, put on lavish hunt launching parties, at which they distribute
T-shirts displaying a pre-hunted elephant.

Windows programmers aren't ever able to hunt elephants because elephants
are afraid of mice.

Civil engineers apply to the governments of all countries in Africa for
contracts to design huge concrete-lined pits for elephants to fall into.
When faced with how to ensure catching nothing but elephants, they defer
to the architect.

Mechanical engineers hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching grey
animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus
or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.

Electrical engineers use CAE systems to simulate the elephant's response
to RF signals, so that they can characterise the elephant as an antenna.
This allows them to develop instruments to detect signal reflections from
elephants. With a big enough power supply, they can then sit in an air
conditioned office in Nairobi and locate all the elephants in Africa at
once. Then they pay a mechanical engineer to go out and get them.

Attorneys have the court issue subpoenas on all elephants. The problem
of finding them then becomes the process server's.

Economists don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are
paid enough they will hunt themselves.

Statisticians hunt the first animal they see 'n' times and call it an
elephant.

Consultants don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at
all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.

Operations research consultants can also measure the correlation of hat
size and bullet colour to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies,
if someone else will only identify the elephants.

Vice presidents of engineering, research, and development try hard to
hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the
vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure
that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice
president sees them. If the vice president does see a nonprehunted
elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen
eyesight and enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

Senior managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption
that elephants are just like big field mice, but with deeper voices.

Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes
the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling the
elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season
opens.

Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and send an invoice
for an elephant.

Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them grey, and sell them as
desktop elephants.

Tech support people start out by getting the name and phone number of the
elephant. They require the serial number of an elephant before they'll
tell you which Knowledge Base article to read ... but you have to be on
their database first.
This is followed by a brief session in which they try to find out the
type of elephant, and if necessary, the configuration of the elephant.
Another important step in the process is to ascertain whether or not the
elephant is reproducible. If so, and there have been other reports of the
elephant, it is classified as a "KNOWN ELEPHANT". If there have been no
other reports, it is classified as a "NEW ELEPHANT REPORT". Finally, if
the elephant is determined not to be reproducible, it is classified as a
"POSSIBLE ELEPHANT".

Once a report has been made, the Tech Support people transfer the
elephant hunting task to another group. These people look at the
information gathered about the elephant, and decide whether it is an
"ANOMALOUS ELEPHANT", or if it is an "ELEPHANT BY DESIGN". At this point,
the decision is made whether to actually kill the elephant (in the case
of the "ANOMALOUS ELEPHANT"), or in fact to document the elephant (in the
case of the "ELEPHANT BY DESIGN").

Power Users get the biggest weapon their company can afford (say, an
ICBM) and launch it in the general direction of Africa, hoping they'll
hit an elephant. Of course, no trace of the hunted elephant is ever
found, so they can't prove anything...

Solutions Providers claim to already have several large pre-hunted
elephants soon to be available to anyone who wants them. Currently they
can only provide inflatable blowup elephants for beta-testing hunting
strategies. If pressured, they can send you a CD-ROM of examples of
pre-hunted elephants and previously successful strategies, and lots of
glossy brochures of hunted elephants, and tools available to hunt
elephants with. Their Sales team have been on a course that describes
how to hunt elephants, but have never actually hunted an elephant.

Microsoft Developers define a new standard elephant, mostly backwards
compatible with previous elephants. They then build a genetic engineering
laboratory in darkest Africa, and after several years of secret
development, release several of these new elephants in a fenced enclosure
so they can successfully hunt them.

Borland/IBM/WordPerfect/Lotus Developers consider the new Microsoft
Elephant as not sufficiently portable, and lobby for an ANSI committee to
define the ANSI standard elephant specification. Simultaneously they
feverishly start their own elephant genetic engineering program to
produce their own, more flexible elephant. IBM have an advantage here,
because they still have a cross-licensing agreement with Microsoft, and
straightaway start hunting in Microsoft's fenced enclosure as well.

Digital Research/Novell Developers immediately reverse-engineer
Microsoft's elephant and produce their own version. They then air drop
hundreds of them throughout Africa, but complain vigorously when the
bullets their hunters bought from Microsoft don't hit the new elephants.

Topologists build a cage, with outside-side facing in, and with one
opening somewhere. Then they stretch and invert the works, Earth and
all, through the opening. Thus capturing every elephant, and everything
else in the known universe, "inside". They really never get to the point
where they collect the elephants because they are all arguing about the
best angle to view the cage.

Sex Therapists hunt elephants by going to Africa and catching tapirs,
which they then counsel about how size doesn't matter, and teach them to
trumpet. The tapirs run off happy, and the Sex therapists get a lot of
job satisfaction.

Paleobiologists hunt elephants by going to Siberia and picking over any
bits of amber they can find, hoping find to a piece with a prehistoric
mosquito in it. They extract blood from the mosquito and start
reconstructing the DNA of Mammoths Primigenius, or woolly mammoth, which
they then insert into the nucleus of a ...etc etc....

Siberian Systems Analysts hunt elephants by finding a frozen lake and
cutting a hole in the ice. They then surround the hole with peas and
hide in the bushes. When an elephant comes to take a pea, they jump out
and push him in the hole.

Ger